I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
