note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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