he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
