i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
