i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
