rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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