fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
