i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
