my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
someone owes me an orgasm
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
