I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
