Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize