Is it normal to miss your booty call?
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
