Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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