The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
