so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize