I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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