i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
are you so shy because you have an std?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize