Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Randomize