I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize