Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Man, jail baloney is awful.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
