If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize