Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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