We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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