I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
