Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
