that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
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