honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
It's shark week go big or go home
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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