Where is the hickey?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize