smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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