a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
