i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
