Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
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