So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
please don't ironically join a cult
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