no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
