Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
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