he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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