Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
