I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
