A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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