I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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