You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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