please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
