fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
