Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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