At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize