end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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