Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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