So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Randomize
