Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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