I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Randomize
