Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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