Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize