"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
