he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
