I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
