If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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