She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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