I showed him my bush... on skype.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
