please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize