Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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