At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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