I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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