I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
