i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
