I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
