Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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