He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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