So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
