I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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