Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
