I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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