i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
