I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
