I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Randomize
