thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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